I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
