I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
