i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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