In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
