I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
