He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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