My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
