My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
