i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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