She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
So here I am, sexting at work.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
