You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
