There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
