No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
