I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
