I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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