I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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