People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
