So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize