I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
i believe in u and ur pee
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
