just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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