You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
