I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
