i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
