Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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