I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
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