i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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