you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
