Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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