I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
