I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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