Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
