haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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