forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
