watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
