my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize