birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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