Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
