It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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