Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize