hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize
