just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Randomize
