He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize