so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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