Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
