hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
