I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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