You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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