I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Randomize
