508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize