I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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