you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
