A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
