just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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