I want to make a zoo with you.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
