I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
