Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize