and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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