Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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