so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I can't turn off my feet"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
