Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
