Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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