it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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