All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
pop tarts are not kleenex
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
