Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
