Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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