All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
