I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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