No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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