pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
