Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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